So we're clear: technical difficulties are being worked out and you can expect that Biggie and I will return to bringing you video sports content ASAP. Because nobody, including me is really loving the written form. If I can't yell it in Biggie's face, it's just not as much fun. For anybody.
That being said, I'm also working on some technical difficulties that will allow me to actually watch football games live on a television set. But until that gets worked out my keen intelligence has already picked up enough info from NFL.com highlights to make a shit load of bold predictions and sharp observations.
Observations:
1.) Brett Favre in a Vikings jersey is one of the worst things I've ever seen. In case you're wondering, yes, it made me want to punch myself in the balls. The image is really that ugly.
2.) Because every Brett Favre snap warranted a highlight, I feel it's safe to say that his debut looked like shit. He got hit more times than he had completions. And perhaps his only completion came on that same old shit that Packers fans had come to dread: The play where he throws into double coverage because he knows where he's going to throw the ball before the snap comes.
3.) Following from #2, why did he get hit so much? The two most obvious answers is that the Vikings O-line pulled an Any Given Sunday and just let D-lineman through because Brett Favre is a fucking distracting sideshow to an otherwise very promising season (more on this in a second) and he missed all of training camp being all fucking smarmy and elusive about whether he was coming back. Either that or it was because the O-line sucks that bad. Either way that performance by th O-line was not good for the Vikes. They basically took a shit on Brett Favre's face at the 50 yard line.
4.) Why is Brett Favre even there? His decrepit feet and throwing arm managed one shitty completion for 9 yards (setting up a 4th and 1 that was not converted), and the rest of the time he was on his ass. Enter Tavaris Jackson and believe me, I can't believe I'm writing this, he looked fucking DYNAMIC. Escaping from the rush, rolling out, throwing across his body, hitting 64 yard tochdown passes in stride off the run... I mean dynamic. The ultimate cherry on the top of this whole thing is that it looks to me as if Tavaris is finally ready to be a starting quarterback in spite of Brad Childress starting him too early in his career and just as he blossoms the dumbest child molester on earth (Brad Childress in case you're new to this blog) brings the fucking circus to town and installs an aging has been quarterback with no real chance to be good in his place. Now, if you knew all this as a Vikings O-lineman, what would you do?
5.) The Rams still look like shit. They've got Kyle Boller now? Fine. Whatever. They still tackle like 3 year olds.
6.) Though Brett Favre is going to get all the hype this season, the much greater concern to me for the Packers' season is that the Cowboys running game looks fucking amazing. Felix Jones and Marion Barber are going to be pretty hard to stop and the Cowboys already had Shaq-sized lineman at every position. If they can stop masturbating like monkeys at the zoo over Tony Romo's throwing arm and just punish teams on the ground... fuck me they are going to be hard to stop. Fortunately they have Wade Philips for a coach and suffice to say, there's no Wonderlic test for head coaches. That man is half manatee.
7.) The Falcons also can't tackle for shit. But they have Matt Ryan, Michael Turner, Roddy White and now Tony Gonzalez. That offense is going to be exciting.
8.) Peyton Manning and Dwight Freeney look F-ing sharp as ever. The league never seems to catch up to them. Derek Anderson just let out a whistful sigh somewhere.
My Truth. You and I and everyone else are looking forward to the return of the video blog. Hopefully we won't have to wait too much longer.
JV
