Farve is Retired; Long live Brett Favre!!!!

Thank the Gods of all things natural and just in the sports world: BRETT FAVRE WILL STAY RETIRED!!!!!!!!!! Booyah! As a Packers fan I have recently found myself unable to focus on the all the important things: who will win the preseason training camp battle for punter? Who will capture the starting outside linebacker position? Will B.J. Raji go out like Korey Stringer and die from the lethal combination of fatness and heat before ever playing a game for THE PACK? I was ever distracted from these key issues by the looming nighmare specter in my (sub)conciouss of the totally possible opening day line, spoken by the newly back from retirement John Madden: Here is Brett Favre preparing to take his first snap in a Vikings Jersey! This kept me up at night. In fact there is no real way to describe the terrors that shook me as every day passed and seemed to bring me closer to this reailty. And so imagine my shock, amazement, joy, titillation and fantastical shit-my-pants excitement to see the headline today: "Brett Favre decides to stay retired". I'm not sure what I have done to deserve this. In fact I'm pretty certain that I have done nothing to deserve this. I'm kind of an asshole most of the time. But I'll fucking take it!!! Now Biggie and I can fully prepare for another season of righteous unbridled hatred of all things respectively Packers and Vikings. We can rest assured that on the NFL's opening day night will be night, day will be day, black will remain black... instead of white, and a future Packers hall of famer, the gun slinger, the golden god of Quarterbacks everywhere will NOT ever wear that hateful ass purple fucking jersey. Seriously... purple.

Yes, his imaged is tarnished. Almost beyond repair, but that is a question for a day far in the future when he will get inducted into the hall of fame and people will reflect on the meaning of his career. In the meantime the suckballs Vikings still have no competent quarterback and I am IMMDEIATELY calling the NFC North for the PACK. As if there was ever any doubt. Your move, Biggie. Have fun with the Jewish spice and hope that you never have to play the Colts. HAHAHAHAHA! Pussy.

RBTL- Episode 6, 7/6/09

I'm proud to bring our first video to the blog. Episode 6 was the last episode for Season 2, but have no fear we will be back at the start of NFL football with Season 3! I also plan on going back and posting some older episodes and unreleased footage when I get a chance.

For now, enjoy the July edition of RBTL. It was definetly an all out hate fest. Eat a dick NASCAR!

Read Between the Lines!!! 7/6/09 from RabbitProductions on Vimeo.

NASCAR is so F-ing Redneck

HAHAHAHAHA!!!! This is too good to be true. In the baren wasteland of interesting sports stories; in the midst of the most hateful ass time of year for the self respecting sports fan, when the only news is about baseball players switching teams like Shawn Kemp switches fuck buddies, you get a gem like this:

JEREMY MAYFIELD TESTS POSITIVE FOR METH AGAIN; LASHES OUT

Not only does NASCAR have a star driver test positive for METH... TWICE, but then said star driver "lashes out" saying that he is being framed by NASCAR.

A couple of quick thoughts:

1. That is the dumbest thing I've ever heard. You think NASCAR wants a driver to test positive for meth ever? Let alone twice? You think they are somehow unaware of how they're already perceived?

2. The accused is so fucking guilty that he even sounds like a drug addled anemic dipshit in his defense.

3. ESPN is now covering this saga with a video that opens, "this has all the makings of a soap opera" and then goes on to interview a gaggle of "expert" color commentators who all spew their observations in the same southern drawl that conjurs to mind the budweiser logo when you close your eyes and listen.

4. Performance enhancing drugs finally reach NASCAR and the form they take is: METH

5. NASCAR has only ever had the drama angle to sell themselves. Every time that bullshit "sport" butts it's bucktoothed, mulleted head into Sportscenter, the opening line goes: "Today tempers flared in NASCAR. This driver is mad at this other driver for making him crash!" That's the news! DRAMA!

Oh NASCAR... you might have a whole lot of people that watch your all white, extra fat, non-athlete douchebags turn left 500 times in a row, but you cannot escape your identity. The Tom Brady of atheltes - refined, clean cut, super-model-dating, seemingly intelligent - will always elude your grasp. Yours are the Tony Stewarts of the world, the Jeremy Mayfields. Your problem will always be Meth no matter how much you might wish for an HGH scandal. You are so fucking redneck it's almost not even funny anymore, except when it flares brightly into a SUPERNOVA of hillbillery like this Mayfield issue. Hil-arious!

My parting truth: If NASCAR ever decided to ban drinking at their events the whole sport would collapse. The next day. You know how true that is.