Farve is Retired; Long live Brett Favre!!!!

Thank the Gods of all things natural and just in the sports world: BRETT FAVRE WILL STAY RETIRED!!!!!!!!!! Booyah! As a Packers fan I have recently found myself unable to focus on the all the important things: who will win the preseason training camp battle for punter? Who will capture the starting outside linebacker position? Will B.J. Raji go out like Korey Stringer and die from the lethal combination of fatness and heat before ever playing a game for THE PACK? I was ever distracted from these key issues by the looming nighmare specter in my (sub)conciouss of the totally possible opening day line, spoken by the newly back from retirement John Madden: Here is Brett Favre preparing to take his first snap in a Vikings Jersey! This kept me up at night. In fact there is no real way to describe the terrors that shook me as every day passed and seemed to bring me closer to this reailty. And so imagine my shock, amazement, joy, titillation and fantastical shit-my-pants excitement to see the headline today: "Brett Favre decides to stay retired". I'm not sure what I have done to deserve this. In fact I'm pretty certain that I have done nothing to deserve this. I'm kind of an asshole most of the time. But I'll fucking take it!!! Now Biggie and I can fully prepare for another season of righteous unbridled hatred of all things respectively Packers and Vikings. We can rest assured that on the NFL's opening day night will be night, day will be day, black will remain black... instead of white, and a future Packers hall of famer, the gun slinger, the golden god of Quarterbacks everywhere will NOT ever wear that hateful ass purple fucking jersey. Seriously... purple.

Yes, his imaged is tarnished. Almost beyond repair, but that is a question for a day far in the future when he will get inducted into the hall of fame and people will reflect on the meaning of his career. In the meantime the suckballs Vikings still have no competent quarterback and I am IMMDEIATELY calling the NFC North for the PACK. As if there was ever any doubt. Your move, Biggie. Have fun with the Jewish spice and hope that you never have to play the Colts. HAHAHAHAHA! Pussy.